


Half-Light

by DiamondWings



Series: Bloom, Love [6]
Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: A little angst, Alternate Universe - College/University, Blind Changbin, Changbin has secrets, Felix has fears, Fluff, Happy Ending, Helpful Felix, M/M, Mostly Fluff, Soft Boys, The secrets and fears conflict, With A Twist, but - Freeform, so soft
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-04
Updated: 2019-12-04
Packaged: 2021-02-25 04:53:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,399
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21571105
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DiamondWings/pseuds/DiamondWings
Summary: Transferring into a new school or college was no news for Changbin; he’d had to do it every time when someone came close to finding out how ‘special’ he was. But what if, for once, he wants someone to find out?
Relationships: Lee Felix/Seo Changbin
Series: Bloom, Love [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1553968
Comments: 47
Kudos: 281





	Half-Light

**Author's Note:**

> They were destined for each other, Felix knew it! He just knew it! Their souls were made for each other, that was why… Yes, Felix jubilated to himself, excited to the point he was unable to even form a coherent thought, heart beating with pure joy. This was the kind of love he lived to see, the kind that was just meant to be, against all odds of the universe, against the conventions of gods and other creatures, the kind of love that was woven by the essence of existence itself. To know that that kind of love was reserved for at least one of his incarnations…  
> Felix sighed happily, falling back onto his bed and staring at the ceiling. Four times he had found true love, or love had found him… He knew he shouldn’t be greedy – he wasn’t greedy! – he was merely curious… Would he find it a fifth time?

Felix was humming to himself good-naturedly as he made his way back to his dorm to switch out his books for his dance bag and maybe grab a small snack before his dance practice started. His good mood stemmed from having just gotten a quiz back he’d barely studied for and scored a solid 97/100, checking his bank account and finding he’d gotten way more money for his birthday than he’d expected, and an exceptionally uplifting talk with his study advisor. The bright sunlight shining through the tall windows at the end of the hallway and bathing the whole floor in a warm afternoon glow reflected his mood perfectly, and all was well in the world.

Still, Felix came to a sudden halt when he saw a boy standing in the middle of the hallway, apparently feeling up the wall next to a door on the opposite side of where Felix’ room lay.

“Would it really be too much to ask for consistency in the placing of the dorm number plates…?” The boy muttered with clear annoyance in his voice, and it was then that Felix noticed the cane in his other hand as he took a step back to verify where the edges of the door he was standing in front of were. Unfortunately, that step back was what it took for him to kick one of his suitcases, which rolled a few steps away, one of the wheels caught on a slightly raised edge of a tile which caused it to tip over. To make matters worse, the impact was enough to cause the obviously very tight-packed suitcase’s zipper to give up and rip open. The boy winced, cursing under his breath as he stared at a spot a few steps away from to the open suitcase unseeingly.

Felix bit his lip, feeling bad for the obviously blind boy, and decided to offer his help. He cleared his throat audibly, and the boy’s gaze snapped up to Felix, pinning him with his unseeing stare quite accurately.

“Hey, uhm, do you need some help?”

The boy looked like he wanted to deny it and send Felix on his way, but when his shoulders dropped, Felix knew he had changed his mind.

“You saw all of that, didn’t you?”

Felix hummed in affirmation.

“Yeah. At least the suitcase ripping open part and your colourful curses. And yes, I agree, it’s stupid to go through the trouble of writing the dorm room numbers in braille and then fixing the plates completely randomly. You’re standing in front of room number 4415, by the way.”

The boy sighed.

“Why… Isn’t that over there, 4421? Shouldn’t this be 4419, then?”

Felix shook his head, forgetting momentarily that the other couldn’t see that.

“Nope. Those numbers down to 4416 continue down the perpendicular hallway opposite 4421. From where you’re standing is 4415 and down.”

The boy whined in a way that Felix found entirely too cute.

“Why, though?”

Felix chuckled.

“Don’t ask me, I didn’t design this layout. I can show you to 4419, though, if that’s the one you’re looking for?”

The boy hesitated, then nodded.

“Please, I feel like I’ve been searching like an idiot for far too long, I just want to find somewhere to sit down and not get up until an hour before dinner. That is… Do you think an hour will be enough for me to find the cafeteria? Or is it even better hidden than my room in this godforsaken building?”

Felix laughed.

“The cafeteria is not in this building…”

The boy groaned, throwing his hands up in defeat.

“That’s it, I’m going to apply to transfer to another university, one that is not a fucking maze without any logic in its layout!”

Felix suppressed more laughter, but he could tell by the boy’s expression that he knew he was laughing anyway.

“Sorry, I shouldn’t laugh about your misery. Here, I’m going to help with your broken suitcase and show you to 4419 for now. I can help you back to the student office when I’m back from dance so you can file your transfer application.”

The boy nodded, then squinted in Felix’ general direction.

“Thank you. That’s awfully helpful of you; let me just warn you that should you plan on taking advantage of my blindness and steal from me, I know every single little thing that is in that suitcase, and will know who took it if I don’t find something in there later!”

Felix should probably have felt offended, but he didn’t.

“Yeah, you’ll know some random male student you met in the hallway took it; how helpful! You don’t even know my name yet!”

The boy gaped at him.

“Shit; you’re right. May I know your name then, potential thief, so I know whom to file a report against later?”

Felix laughed again.

“Felix. Lee Felix. Asshole opportunist extraordinaire, at your service.”

The boy inclined his head.

“Nice to meet you, Lee Felix. I’m Seo Changbin; painfully pitiful creature just waiting to be taken advantage of and be robbed of his favourite socks on his first day at a new University.”

***

Changbin fell back onto his new bed, lying spread-eagled and just letting himself sink into the surprisingly comfortable mattress for a while after putting all of his things away.

After Felix had shown him to his room and left to go after his own affairs, Changbin had made quick work of pulling the black-out curtains closed in front of the windows to block out the obnoxious daylight that was blinding him. It wasn’t perfect, still too much light filtering around the curtains for him to be able to see much, but it was better than the sunlight-flooded hallway outside that left him literally blind as a mole.

With the sun now set and only hints of residual daylight filtering into the room, Changbin’s vision finally cleared enough that he could make out even small details around the room. It wasn’t exactly richly furnished, but comfortable enough, and his new roommate, whom he had yet to meet, had made good work of decorating his side of the room. Changbin wanted to decorate his own side, too, but refrained. Why would a blind guy bother putting up posters on his walls or something of the likes? No, he had to be careful not to mess up and clue anyone in on the fact he wasn’t exactly entirely blind. It was probably already a stretch that he’d managed to put his things away so neatly in the dresser, wardrobe, desk and shelves reserved for him.

Now that he was all set up, all that was left for him to do was to wait for Felix to come back like he’d promised and show him the way to the cafeteria, like he’d promised before departing earlier.

Felix was a nice fellow, Changbin decided after their short banter in the hallway earlier. Nice and helpful, and he really hadn’t stolen any of Changbin’s things, not even his favourite pair of socks. As time ticked by, he could hear more and more students walk up and down the hallway outside, returning to their dorms and leaving again to go who knew where. Eventually, a set of footsteps stopped in front of Changbin’s door, and a knock sounded. So, Felix, Changbin concluded, since he doubted that his roommate would knock.

“Coming!” Changbin called out, pocketing his wallet, keycard and phone and making his way to the door, before remembering to take his cane. He braced himself for the onslaught of light that would blind him as soon as he opened the door and managed to not flinch as it robbed him of his eyesight in fractions of a second; not quickly enough not to catch at least an outline of Felix’ silhouette, though.

“Hey! Wow, you’ve been sitting in there in the dark?” Felix greeted him, seemingly peering around him, and Changbin made an effort to give him a duh-stare.

“It’s not like I can see any better if I turn the lights on…” He deadpanned, and heard the sound of Felix hitting his own forehead in response.

“Right. Forgive me; used up all my allotted brain-cells for the day at the quiz this morning. So, food?”

Changbin nodded.

“Food. Lead the way. Not too fast, though, please.”

“Right. Want to hold on to my sleeve or something? And should I warn you of steps and stuff like that?”

Changbin shrugged.

“I can use my cane, but sure, if you don’t mind, that would be great.”

In the next moment he felt fabric brush against his hand and latched on, before Felix started leading the way. Really, he would probably not have needed the physical contact to not lose Felix with how much the boy was chattering, telling him about the campus, about his friends, about opening and closing times and lack thereof of different facilities, about mealtimes and past and future events. His warnings of steps, ledges, turns and other obstacles almost got lost in the midst of his chatter, but Changbin didn’t find it a hard task to focus on Felix’ words, so he didn’t miss any of those, either. He even found it possible to remember the way to the cafeteria more or less well, counting steps and turns under Felix’ guide.

Once there, Felix relayed the menu to him unprompted, directing him to where to pick up a tray, cup and cutlery, too. Normally, just as he had many times before with overly helpful people, Changbin would have felt annoyed at how essentially useless he must appear, but something about the way Felix went about it was different. Maybe it was because he chattered so much that his directions sounded more like an afterthought than his sole focus and allowed Changbin to not feel like his handicap was all there was to him, and he felt like him merely telling Changbin what there was that he didn’t see and still let him do things by himself rather than doing them for him helped, too.

“Mousse au chocolate right in front of you, fruit salad one foot from where you are now and oh my god is that rice pudding? You _have_ to try their rice pudding! It’s the best thing ever! Do you like cinnamon? They have pudding with and without cinnamon, with cinnamon is first, without comes after!” was a vastly different approach than Felix simply asking him which he might want and placing the respective dessert on his tray.

He’d known Felix maybe a total of half an hour, but by the time they sat down in some empty spots at a table, Changbin was already entranced by the boy.

“So, what made you transfer here this far into the semester, Changbin?” Felix eventually interrupted his chattering to ask Changbin about himself.

Changbin chewed his bite carefully, buying time for his answer. He couldn’t very well tell Felix that he’d been too close to being found out for his peculiar eyesight at his previous university, and not wanting to end up a study subject himself, had to move away before anyone found proof to incriminate him.

“My parents moved here for work, and, well… They let me live in the dorms, but they still want to be close by to be there for me in no time in case anything happens to me, with my condition and everything…” He opted for a half-truth, and Felix hummed in acceptance of that explanation.

“So, you’re close with your parents?” He asked, and Changbin nodded.

“Yeah, they’re great…” They really were; he’d known of parents who’d disowned and abandoned their children for much less than being a freak of nature who was completely blind in the light and had perfect eyesight in pitch black darkness. He was really thankful to his parents for being unconditionally supportive of him and doing everything they could to allow Changbin to have as normal of a life as possible, protecting him from everything and everyone in the process while not smothering him.

“That’s cool. You still wanted the whole college experience, living in the dorms and everything rather than taking advantage of not paying rent at your parents’, though, huh?”

Changbin grinned at Felix.

“Got me there! Yeah, I feel like I do have to learn to be more independent from them at some point… And it’s a lot more practical to live on campus rather than commuting every single day. Not to mention that not everyone on the undergrounds and busses is as kind as to not steal the clothes off my back just because I can’t see them do it. At least that is the argument that convinced my parents to let me live in the dorms.”

“Yeah, that’s a good argument. At least on campus there’s only random strangers who steal your favourite socks out of your broken suitcase in the hallway while pretending to help you.”

Changbin laughed, shrugging.

“You didn’t steal my favourite pair, though…”

Felix gasped.

“I didn’t? So, your favourites were not the cute fuzzy ones with the rubber stoppers and the fold-down elastics? I have to say, I am disappointed in your taste in socks!”

Changbin frowned slightly, suddenly unsure.

“I don’t own socks like that…” He didn’t, did he…? Had his dad put socks like that in his suitcase without him knowing? He couldn’t really be sure, sometimes he did things like that to surprise him later when he went to help him. And socks like that sounded exactly like something his dad would put in his suitcase, since Changbin really loved wearing those socks in the evenings when he was studying to keep his feet from going cold while sitting at his desk…

His uncertainty must have bled through into his voice, since Felix was quick to reassure him.

“I was kidding, Changbin. I made those socks up. I didn’t take anything, I swear. That was in bad taste, wasn’t it? I’m sorry.”

Changbin hummed, uncertain.

“Ah, it’s… It’s ok; Not bad taste, we were just bantering, you didn’t mean anything by it, did you? It’s just… My dad sometimes smuggles gifts like that into my suitcases when he helps with packing to surprise me later when I unpack, so I actually wouldn’t know if you’d taken those…”

“I swear I didn’t, Changbin. I was really just joking. Please, ask your dad to confirm that he didn’t put any socks like that in your suitcase, I don’t want you to think of me as a thief who took advantage of you; all joking aside.”

Changbin didn’t answer, hesitant; he wanted to trust Felix, at least in that regard, but could he afford it? He bit his lip in indecision, and he could hear Felix shift in his seat opposite him.

“Please, Changbin, I insist. I won’t be offended or something like that, I promise. I know you don’t know me or if you can trust me, and I really want you to know for sure that I didn’t take advantage of you.”

Changbin frowned, contemplating it.

“You mean, like right now…?” He asked, uncertain still, but Felix nodded.

“Here or later, whatever, just please do it.”

Changbin hesitate for a moment longer, then decided to test Felix sincerity and pulled his phone out.

“Call Home.” He asked the device after unlocking it, and the call went out. Felix didn’t react to it, and Changbin begrudged that he couldn’t see his reaction. He was quickly distracted by the call being picked up though.

“Hey… Yeah, everything’s great, I’m in the cafeteria eating dinner right now…” It took a moment and some back and forth about how he was settling in before Changbin got his dad on the line, repeating the whole conversation again with him, before he got to ask the question why he’d called. “So, earlier when I was moving in my suitcase broke in the hallway and I’m not sure if I got everything that spilled out… No, nothing that I know of is missing, I’m just wondering if you smuggled something in that might have fallen out and I missed it since I didn’t know it was there in the first place… No? Oh, ok, good. No, no, I’m not disappointed at all, dad, stop!” What followed was Changbin exasperatedly trying to convince his dad to not send him a care package that would require Changbin to request an extra storage room to accommodate everything, before he was finally able to hang up.

He did so with a sigh, looking in Felix’ general direction as he pocketed his phone again.

“Dad confirmed there was nothing. Are you happy now?”

Felix hummed in assent.

“Very. Aren’t you relieved, too?”

Changbin wanted to deny it, but decided to be truthful instead.

“To be honest, yes, I am… I didn’t want to doubt you, but I’m relieved there was no reason to, anyway.”

Changbin could hear the smile in Felix’ voice when he replied.

“That’s why I wanted you to call and make sure. I didn’t want us to start this budding new friendship with you having a niggling, however small but still present, ‘but what if…’ in the back of your mind.”

Changbin nodded pensively.

“Yeah… That makes sense… Thanks, I guess… Wouldn’t want to be friends with a kleptomaniac when I’m a bit of a vulnerable target. Glad I don’t have to dump you just yet!” He joked, relieving some of the tension in the air between them, and Felix chuckled.

“I’ll make sure to be on my best behaviour from now on! Hey, what classes do you have tomorrow? If I’m close we could go together!”

Just as easily, they fell back into the comfortable atmosphere that had been between them before, talking about classes, majors, minors, extracurriculars and electives, clubs and groups and different student associations. Dinner passed eventually and they made their way back, Felix, dropping Changbin off at his dorm room, which turned out to still be empty and void of his supposed roommate, as far as Changbin could make out, since the room was still bathed in blissful darkness.

“I wouldn’t wait up on your roommate if I were you; he practically lives in the music building. I don’t really know him, but he’s kind of a celebrity on campus for the fact he’s only seen in the dorms every once in a blue moon, but the campus radio -which he runs – is bomb, and half the tracks he plays are his own, and they are better than anything else he could ever play on the channel. But, yeah, congratulations on scoring almost a single-person room!”

Changbin couldn’t deny he was not just surprised, but also quite relieved to hear that. Maybe he wouldn’t have to have his guard up as much at all times like he’d become accustomed to, and could allow himself at least some freedom when he was in his own room. That sounded heavenly…!

***

Felix was still in a good mood days later. Of course, his luck didn’t quite stay up at the high it had been on the day he met Changbin, but getting to know Changbin made up for it all. He loved spending time with the boy, who never called him out on his tendency to chatter too much. He had a feeling Changbin quickly caught on to his habit of talking too much when he was nervous, and understood that as soon as he felt comfortable enough he talked much less and actually let others talk, too. Not that Changbin talked too much in the first place, seeming rather reserved most of the time. Still, Felix felt that he did open up to him somewhat, even if he was sure there was a lot he was kept in the dark about; not that he minded. Just because Felix himself spilled everything about himself as soon as someone so much as pretended to listen, that didn’t mean everyone else around him had to reciprocate, and he didn’t expect Changbin to.

Despite having numerous other acquaintances on campus, Felix wasn’t sure he’d call any of them real friends. He didn’t feel like Changbin was a true friend yet, either, but at least he enjoyed spending a lot of time with him; even when they weren’t talking and just sitting together in silence, studying. Talking during those study sessions was off the table, since Changbin used headphones to listen to his textbooks and didn’t even hear Felix when he wanted to talk; for Felix, that was only beneficial, since he didn’t want to abandon Changbin and just up and leave, like he would have done all too soon were he to study on his own, and he wasn’t distracted by conversation, like he would always be if he studied with any of his course-mates.

While talking was off the table during studying, other forms of distraction weren’t, though, and once Felix’ attention span reached it’s absolute limit, as well as his despair and desire to just _get out_ , he could get creative to get Changbin’s attention. Bumping his foot against the side of Changbin’s in rhythmical patterns that could not be seen as accidental, ever, prodding at his elbow on the table, and ultimately tugging at the cord of his headphones were just a few of them.

“Felix, what do you _want_?!” Changbin eventually gave in, exasperated.

“I’m hungry.”

“Let’s sit outside instead.”

“It’s time for a break.”

“They have cake in the cafeteria today; if we don’t get there in time it’ll be all gone.”

“I promised I’d take you to the bird sanctuary downtown, should we go now?”

Whatever Felix’ answer was, the compromise was always the same. Changbin would listen until the end of the chapter he was currently revising, and then they would go do whatever it was Felix suggested.

Felix loved it. And so did Changbin, if the serene and content expression he would show whenever he walked somewhere with Felix, his hand on his arm to not get lost, was any indication.

Felix did make a spectacular effort to find things for them to do that Changbin could enjoy, too, getting really creative with the things he suggested they do and places he took Changbin.

In the middle of it all, Felix realized that Changbin had indeed become a friend, someone he trusted with sides of himself he would even hide when he spilled his guts in his nervous chatter moments. So, he ended up confessing to Changbin that he had a terrible fear of bats one day, even though he’d never ever encountered a bat before, for example. He shared with him that there was little he loved more than being allowed to give someone neck massages – to which Changbin promptly and in a bout of heroic self-sacrifice offered to be his willing victim whenever the urge overcame him. And he let Changbin know about his insecurities regarding his freckles, recounting the many instances he had been mocked and put down for them throughout his whole school career, and how he was glad that Changbin couldn’t see them, or else he’d probably abandon him, too. For that, Changbin had slapped the back of Felix’ head with frightening accuracy and told him he was an idiot through and through if he thought so little of him, and if him being that much of a dumbass still didn’t make him dump Felix, then nothing would.

***

Unbeknownst to Felix, there was one confession Felix made to Changbin that stung Changbin deeply, though; his fear of the dark. Felix had pretty early on confessed to Changbin that he was morbidly afraid of the dark. The absence of light and not being able to see everything around him terrified Felix to no end. There was a certain irony to it that he confessed that to someone who literally couldn’t see anything around him, ever, as far as Felix knew, but that wasn’t what stung to Changbin. He was more than accustomed to not being able to see most of the time, and had long since made his peace with the fact; and far be it from him to belittle Felix for his fear.

No, the reason that fear of Felix’ felt like a thorn in Changbin’s side was rooted in purely selfish motives: Changbin longed to finally see Felix, for once. While he was usually ok with not getting to know how people around him looked, with Felix it was different. In part, it had to do with Felix’ self-doubts regarding his looks, which he wanted to be able to refute credibly, but couldn’t as long as he didn’t know what exactly he was talking about, and on the other hand… he wanted to know everything about Felix, the boy who made his heart stutter and melt with how thoughtful he was; the boy who wormed himself past all of his defenses and had managed to coax pretty much all of his secrets bar one out of him; the boy he wanted so badly to trust enough to even reveal his last secret to…

And many a time, he almost had. His secret was a major part of his life, after all, having affected every aspect of it many, many times, and so the instances in which it would have naturally come up in conversation were many.

So, when he told Felix about the many times he had moved houses, the many times he had changed schools, he found himself almost admitting to the true reason, that it was because people had started to suspect, or even found out, that he was a freak of nature who was blind in the light and could see perfectly in the dark.

He found it hard to explain to Felix how it came he had no one contacting him, ever, except for his parents, since he had never gotten close enough to anyone before to consider them a friend; and the few times he had, that budding friendship had died when the other had gotten too close to discovering his secret and he’d had to move again.

He almost slipped up when Felix asked who’d written his name on the inside of the cover of his new textbooks that had only arrived the day before, and had to make up a quick lie about how his dad collected pens when Felix asked why he had pens laying around on his desk if he never wrote anything.

With every lie and excuse he had to come up with to hide his secret from Felix, he longed to tell the other the truth more, for the first time in his life. He loathed having to lie to him, and with every day, he convinced himself more that Felix would be different than everyone else he’d met so far, that Felix wouldn’t pose a threat to him, that he would be understanding and accommodating; yet with every lie he told Felix, he also feared Felix would never be able to trust him again if he ever found out how often he had lied to him.

Still, he managed to retain the hope that Felix would forgive him, and not lose his trust. That Felix would just take him for who he was. And that Felix knowing about his secret would finally, finally allow him to see Felix for the first time, ever.

Not that he needed to know what Felix looked like to know that he was pretty much in love with him at this point, and not that whatever his appearance was would ever diminish what he felt for him, no.

He just… he just wanted to _see!_

But with Felix’ fear of the dark there was never an opportune moment where he could see him. Felix never strayed from well-lit paths, ever. He never stepped into a dark room or even just badly illuminated hallway. He didn’t go anywhere outside after sunset, carefully planning his schedule so he was never caught outside even just a minute after the sun went down. He slept with a quite powerful nightlight on and refused to sleep anywhere else but his own room, where he knew every shape and shadow by heart. There was just no way Changbin could ever even so much as catch a glimpse of what Felix looked like.

And eventually, Changbin made his peace with that, too. He never wanted Felix to feel uncomfortable, and he never wanted him to have to live a single moment in fear. If he could only see Felix in the dark but Felix was scared of the dark, he preferred never to know what Felix looked like than to make him suffer through even just a second of anxiety.

***

The universe was seldom as considerate as a loving heart, though.

Mid December brought snow and storms with itself, and when there wasn’t snow there was rain, and dark grey clouds, and the only reason the world didn’t become a massive pit of gloom were the Christmas decorations.

Changbin could personally have done without all the Christmas lights, but he was granted a little bit of vision at least in some hallways and passages. Felix on the other hand hated the dark and gloomy weather. Thankfully – in a twisted way – he didn’t have much time to think about the darkness since early January would mark the beginning of dance season, and he was more than a little preoccupied in polishing up his choreography repertoire, as well as expanding it. He had even pestered professors and administration enough until they let him use one of the older dance studios in the basement of the music building that were rarely used anymore, and now that was where he was to be found in practically every single free minute he could spare; and since the days were so short, that included times that lay way past sundown.

Changbin missed Felix, missed having him sit next to him while studying, even if he interrupted him often. He missed having Felix pester him and drag him out somewhere to do something fun; because Felix’ ideas were always fun. Nowadays, he only barely got to spend time with Felix during mealtimes, and sometimes on the way to class. He’d asked to sit in and keep him company while he was dancing, too, but Felix had claimed Changbin was too distracting, effectively smothering Changbin’s protests before they could properly form by turning his brain into useless mush with a kiss to his cheek.

And so, Changbin sat in the library alone, listening to his textbooks in a dark corner and looking out the window into the much too illuminated courtyard where he could barely make out rough shapes despite it being night already. Occasionally being blinded completely, he knew there was a storm rolling in with lightning and thunder, even though he couldn’t hear the thunder through his noise cancelling headphones. He just hoped Felix couldn’t hear the thunder, either, with his music turned up in his dance studio in the basement of the building across the courtyard from where Changbin sat. Thunder made Felix antsy, since thunderstorms often cut out the light, and plunged the world into darkness…

The thought barely crossed Changbin’s mind when he was blinded again, and then suddenly, his vision came back in full capacity. He blinked, surprised to suddenly be able to see perfectly, when it hit him that the lights had gone out; the flash of lightning had cut out the power. And not just in this building, but outside, too, in the courtyard… and in the adjacent buildings, including the music building.

And Felix was alone, in the basement, in the dark.

Changbin didn’t even bother packing his things before jumping up and racing through the dark library, taking full advantage of being the only one able to see while everyone still scrambled to find their phones and turn on the torches, dodging people, shelves and chairs as he ran.

Even though it would blind him immediately, he wished the power would come back and the lights everywhere would turn on again, for Felix. Unfortunately, though, they didn’t, not during the whole time it took Changbin to exit the Library building, cross the courtyard and enter the music building.

When he made it into the music building, the first people with their phone lights on crossed his path, hindering him in his quest to get to Felix as quickly as possible; only until he found the stairs into the basement, though.

Despite Felix not having allowed him to sit in during his practices, he knew which room it was he had managed to claim for himself, and he made his way towards it unerringly. The heavy, soundproof door was closed, and it creaked when he pulled it open. A quiet whimper sounded from inside the room, and Changbin could tell that Felix had collapsed in the exact spot he had been dancing in when the lights had gone out and not moved since.

“Felix? Felix, it’s me, Changbin.” Changbin announced his presence, knowing like no other how disconcerting it was when you couldn’t see who was around you and they didn’t announce themselves.

“Felix? Felix, can you hear me?” Changbin approached Felix quickly, yet carefully, trying not to startle him.

“Felix, I’m going to touch your hand, ok? I’ll hold you. You’re not alone, I got you. I’m here with you.” He kept talking, letting Felix know what he was planning to do, and Felix must have heard him, since he didn’t jump when Changbin held his hand and pulled him close.

As soon as Changbin wrapped his arms around him, Felix curled into his chest, and Changbin held him tightly.

“I got you, ‘Lix. I’m here… I’m here. It’s ok. I-… I forgot my phone, but if you can tell me where yours is, I can get it and turn the light on for you.”

Felix shook his head, though, wrapping his arms around Changbin in turn to hold on tightly and keep him from leaving him.

“It’s- it’s dead. It just died, I put it to charge and just turned it back on, I was about to start the next dance when the lights went out…” Felix whispered, face buried against Changbin’s chest.

“Oh… Shit. I’m so sorry, ‘Lix… We should try to go upstairs, though. There are people with torches and light up there, you’ll feel better there…”

Felix inhaled shakily, trembling in Changbin’s arms.

“I don’t want to look up, Bin. I don’t want to see… nothing. As long as you hold me like this I can pretend that’s why I can’t see anything, but if I open my eyes…”

Changbin suppressed a chuckle, feeling like this was not the time to laugh, even if this prime Felix example amused him.

“So, you’re planning to just hide in my chest until the power returns?”

“That’s exactly what I’m planning to do… Thank god you came here so fast, I was so close to freaking out-…” Felix stiffened in Changbin’s hold, and Changbin held his breath.

“Changbin…”

Changbin. No Bin or Binnie, but his actual name. Changbin just knew, instinctively, that he was in deep shit.

“How did you get here so fast…?”

Changbin’s mind raced as he tried to find a plausible answer.

“I- It wasn’t even that fast?” He tried, and Felix snorted, actually pulling out a little of Changbin’s hold.

“When the lights went out, I started counting to keep myself from panicking, you know… I know _exactly_ how much time passed until you got here.”

Changbin swallowed thickly.

“Well, I guess… Since I’m used to not seeing anything, always, I just had an easier time navigating than everyone else, and made it here quickly…”

“You must have ran the whole way, sprinted even, to make it here in such a short time. You were in the library, weren’t you? I know how quickly you move at best, and it’s not _that_ fast. You couldn’t have made it that quickly like that.”

Felix scooted fully out of Changbin’s hold this time, blinking his eyes open in the darkness to look at where he suspected Changbin’s face to be, even though there was no way he could see anything.

“Not that I’m not grateful you’re here, but what is it you’re hiding, Bin…?” Felix’ voice dropped, becoming softer, too, and shaking ever so slightly. He didn’t let go of Changbin, at least, he didn’t push him away, he simply looked up at him imploringly despite not seeing anything, eyes still full of trust despite the fear that lay underneath and held his body in a firm grasp.

Changbin was mesmerized, his mind practically wiped empty as he took in Felix’ features for the first time. He had always known Felix was beautiful, his heart and soul, inside and out. And now he had the confirmation that he didn’t need but still appreciated that his face matched his personality, even sweaty as it was from the strain of dancing, and with a terrified expression.

He felt like he should have been glad he hadn’t seen Felix’ face before, though, or he’d never have been able to deny him any of his requests even long enough to think to compromise, and would have inevitably flunked half of his subjects due to lack of studying. Now that he was staring into Felix’ lovely features, he was done for, and his resolve crumbled like a sandcastle in the surf. He couldn’t possibly deny him any request, even if his request included revealing his most well-kept secret, the secret that could destroy him and his entire life. It most definitely had the potential to destroy what they had, and force him to move somewhere else again.

It was not like he had much of a choice, now, though, and as much as it terrified him, he decided to take the chance, to take that leap of faith to trust Felix. He inhaled deeply, steeling himself, before forcing himself to answer Felix’ question truthfully.

“Felix, if I tell you-…” He started but broke off again, fear constricting his throat. Still, he powered on; anything to meet the silent demand in those beautiful, terrified eyes looking up at him unseeingly. “If I tell you… You won’t believe me. I don’t think you will, and if you do… If you actually do believe me… But, I honestly don’t think you will want to…”

Felix blinked, surprised to hear the fear in Changbin’s tone, to hear his voice trembling, and he reached a searching hand up to cup Changbin’s face.

“You’re scared… Why are you so scared…? Changbin, I-… I didn’t mean to scare you. If it’s that serious… Bin, I’m sorry, I-… I’m really, really scared right now, and I’m scared of what you could tell me, too… I know there’s something - something important - that you’ve kept from me all this time, and while I want to know, because I want to know everything about you… I don’t want you to be scared. If it scares you that much… then don’t tell me. It’s not worth you getting scared over…”

Changbin choked up, and his vision blurred. It took him a second to realize that it wasn’t because of any lights turning on, but because there were tears pooling and spilling down his cheeks.

“Binnie? Are you crying?!” A note of panic rang in Felix’ voice when he felt Changbin’s tears hit his palm, and Changbin covered Felix’s hand with his own, savoring the contact for the moment, unknowing if Felix would allow it for much longer once he revealed the truth about himself to him.

“I am. I’m terrified, ‘Lix, but… But I want to tell you, now. I love you, and I don’t want you to- to not know this about me any longer…”

Felix frowned.

“W-what…? That… That’s what you’ve-”

“No, that’s not the secret that I’ve kept from you. I mean, I hadn’t told you that yet, but, that’s not- Damn it, this was not how I wanted to confess to you!” Changbin broke off, muttering, and Felix laughed quietly in the darkness in front of him. It wasn’t an entirely amused laughter, notes of panic and hysteria swinging in the sound as well as the amusement and incredulity.

“I do love you, too, and this wasn’t how I wanted to tell you, either, if that makes you feel better…” Felix added, momentarily shell-shocking Changbin, before he sobered up again rather quickly.

“Felix, oh Felix… I-… God, I love you so much, but… I’m so happy you feel that way, too, but you just made me a million times more scared to tell you what I wanted – well, not wanted, but what I should - tell you. Because now I’ll just be a million times more scared that you’ll change your mind once you know, and- Holy shit, you love me, I-”

Felix chuckled again, this time with more warmth and adoration and less hysteria.

“Binnie, breathe. If you want to tell me so bad, just do it. I won’t stop loving you from one moment to the other, no matter what it is you’re telling me.”

Changbin flinched, because that was exactly what might happen. But he had to do this now, there was no turning back. He took a deep breath, and with the last bits of resolve he could muster up, he decided to power on; now or never.

“I… You know how I’m blind as a bat most of the time, right?” He started, and Felix hummed in confirmation. “Well… That’s not… That’s not _always_ true…” He inhaled sharply, holding his breath, and Felix tilted his head curiously.

“Not always… You mean, you can see a little, sometimes? But that… That’s awesome, isn’t it?”

Changbin flinched in the darkness, and while Felix couldn’t see it, he could feel it through the hand on Changbin’s cheek.

“Well, y-yes… Only, it’s… It’s not just a little…”

Felix frowned, expression clouding over.

“How do you mean…? Please don’t tell me you were just pretending to be blind this whole time, because seriously, that would be messed up…!”

Changbin shook his head quickly, though.

“No! No, that’s not it; I wasn’t pretending, Felix, I swear I wasn’t. I really can’t see anything, most of the time. Well, that is… All of the time, when there is light. I can’t see anything in the light… But I can see perfectly in the dark.” Changbin made the mistake to blink in that second, and he missed Felix’ expression, since when he opened his eyes again, the lights in the dance studio flickered back on and he couldn’t see a thing anymore. It made his confession all the more terrifying, since he had no idea how Felix was taking the news, no indicator of how he felt, and he got up hastily, stumbling backwards as he was once again blinded, to put distance between the two of them.

“You…” Felix started, and Changbin had never been so terrified, wanting nothing more than to be able to _see_ again.

“You’re telling me… The reason why you could come over here so quickly was because you could actually _see_ while all the lights were out, and now… Now that they are back on, you can’t?”

Changbin nodded his head fearfully, confirming Felix had heard right.

“So, you can’t see at all when I do this now?”

Changbin took another fearful step backwards.

“I can’t. Felix, please… Don’t do anything-… I can’t see you, and I’m really scared right now…”

He could hear Felix’ footsteps crossing the room, assuming he was going over towards the door, and his heart nearly fell out of his ribcage in dread at the possibility that Felix might be leaving. Then, all of a sudden, he could see again as the room was plunged in darkness once more.

“And now you can see?” Felix asked, standing next to the light-switch by the door.

Changbin nodded.

“Yes. Now I can see. I can see you standing by the light-switch.”

“So, you can see if I do this?” Felix didn’t move.

“You didn’t do anything.”

“I did exactly the same thing that I did when I was standing in front of you.”

“You… You didn’t do anything?”

“I didn’t do anything both times… You really can only see in the dark… When I can’t see shit…”

“Y-yeah…” Changbin confirmed, and Felix held his breath for a while, until his body forced him to release it again.

“Holy… shit. What do I do now? I don’t want to blind you, but I really can’t see shit, either, and the darkness is freaking me out again…”

“Just turn on the light, it’s ok. You’re scared of the dark, I don’t want you to be scared.”

Felix frowned.

“But you’re scared of the light…”

“I’m not scared of the light. I’m scared of not being able to see how you’ll react to something and not see it coming if you-… If you decide to do something, something to- to hurt me, or something like that…”

Felix’ face fell, and Changbin could nearly hear his heart shatter.

“Changbin… Bin, Binnie, I- I would never want to hurt you! Why would I- Oh my god, Binnie, I’m not- I would never, ever take advantage of your- you, like that! Holy shit… Where did I mess up so bad that you’d think that of me?!”

Changbin swallowed thickly, lowering his gaze to the floor.

“You wouldn’t have been the first... Please, turn the lights back on, Felix. I don’t care that I won’t be able to see, I’m used to it.”

Felix shook his head though, taking two blind steps away from the switch and towards Changbin again.

“No, that’s not right, Bin…”

Changbin sighed, quickly crossing the room and turning the lights on himself, instantly going blind.

“Can we please… Can we please discuss that back in our dorms? I still need to get my stuff from the library, before someone else does…”

***

Felix moved as if on autopilot, guiding Changbin through the hallways and from one building to the other to get his things from the library like on any other day; but truthfully, nothing was like it was before. At least not in his mind, which was racing at a speed he couldn’t possibly keep up with.

Changbin loved him. Changbin had really confessed to him. He loved him back!

If this wasn’t the best day in Felix’ life so far, he had no idea what was, and there was nothing that could diminish his happiness - ok, except maybe that stupid flickering light in the hallway that had gotten damaged by the sudden power outage due to too much voltage in the system, but if it went out and they were plunged into darkness, Changbin was with him, and Changbin would be able to see, and-

Holy _shit_ , today was a weird day. How would they be able to find a compromise to deal with _this?!_ No matter what, at least one of them would always be blinded, no matter what lighting they chose! That was so unfair…

“How do you and your parents deal with you only being able to see in total darkness at home?” Felix asked suddenly, and Changbin tensed up next to him.

“Not _here_ , Felix!” Changbin hissed back, and Felix made quick work of pulling Changbin into his dorm room, which was thankfully still empty, Felix’ roommate nowhere to be seen.

“We’re in my room now. So?” Felix announced after closing the door.

Changbin sighed, feeling his way to Felix’ bed in the familiar room.

“We keep everything just dark enough that we can all see at least a little, they turn the lights on fully when I’m not in the room or need to do things that require full light, and I keep my room completely dark at all times.”

Felix scrunched his nose up in thought.

“So, my nightlight is probably too bright for you, right?”

Changbin nodded.

“But, what if I put a towel over it…?”

Changbin didn’t understand what Felix meant until his eyes adjusted and he could suddenly see at least a little. Not much, but enough to tell that Felix had switched off the ceiling lights and covered his nightlight with a towel, bathing the room in little more than a dull glow. Also, he could tell that the other was walking towards him.

“Can you see?” Felix asked curiously, and Changbin nodded.

“Yeah…”

Felix let out a happy noise, rushing the last few steps to sit next to Changbin on the bed with a painful distance of at least half a foot between them.

Silence sat heavily between them, feeling charged for possibly the first time ever.

“Binnie…” Felix started, uncertain, and Changbin hummed to signal he was listening.

“You meant it when you said you loved me, right?” His voice sounded so hopeful, it made Changbin’s heart clench.

“Yes…”

Felix exhaled slowly.

“Good… Because I meant it, too, and I haven’t changed my mind. But, I am kind of scared because I really can’t see much in this lighting, and while I really don’t want to blind you again… I would be really grateful if you knew a way to distract me from everything I can’t see right now, like with a kiss or something…!”

For the first time since he revealed his secret to Felix, Changbin’s heart felt light as it jumped straight out of the claustrophobic pit it had skidded into in that basement dance studio and beat frantically in his chest. A giddy laugh bubbled up in his throat before he moved to cup Felix’ cheek and turn his head so he could seal Felix’ lips with his own in an inexperienced, quite clumsy, but still incredibly soft and warm, loving kiss.

It might not be perfect, their kiss, nor was what they had of a relationship at the moment. They didn’t have answers to all of their questions, and didn’t know how to work around each other’s needs yet, but they had a start. A sturdy base, clear of secrets and full of honesty, built with their love, which they could build upon. And that was all they needed, all they could ask for, in that moment in the half-light of Felix’ dorm.


End file.
